One never expects a cancer diagnosis, let alone getting that news twice. October of 2022, I was told I had tongue cancer. I went through what was supposed to be a relatively straightforward glossectomy, that went quickly turned into a nightmare due to medical error. It has been a long road to recovery as my physical body endured a lot. My spiritual body, well that was a whole different story in of itself. The road to forgiveness is not just a one time thing I have discovered, as it tends to rear its  ugly head when we least expect it. I not only had to forgive my medical team, family, friends, but the question of "why Lord" kept circling my mind. Was I being punished for past sins? I worked so hard to forgive and be what I thought was a good person. I met with a group for prayer that has a healing ministry, with the focus on forgiveness. Wow, there were many things I had held onto that I didn't realize. February of 2023, I got a call that my father, the man that abused me, was dying. He lived in AZ and I so badly wanted to see him, pray with him and tell him all was forgiven and that he was loved. He refused, and before I could consider going anyway, he was gone just two months to the day of his 82nd birthday. Mothers Day weekend his ashes showed up at my door. I struggled with even bringing them inside my home. Honestly, he hadn't earned the right to be welcomed in any form. But that was all part of my healing. I prayed over the ashes that were once the man that exerted power over me, took my innocence and made me believe I was not worthy of anything let alone Love. I actually left him on the porch for several days. Brought him in, took him back outside, several times. I finally put him in a drawer in the guest room and forgot about him for a few months. I decided to ask his siblings if they wanted his ashes and was met with, just go dump them somewhere and don't waste your money burying them. I decided since the only time he was semi-normal was when my mother was alive, I'd bury him with her. So in July we did just that. I knew in my heart that was where he belonged. Even though I lost him many years ago when she was killed, knowing he was out there always gave me hope of reconciliation. Life has a way of throwing us curveballs and how we choose to react is what makes or breaks us. I have chosen to allow God to continue to teach me in these moments, with the understanding now that I am not being punished, I am Loved beyond measure, made in his image for so much more that this. I will continue to walk in love and ask forgiveness when I fail to do just that. I just started a book called, " The Believers Authority", by Andrew Wollmack. I am starting to change my thought process even more. Hang in there, God has a plan for you and always has. You are loved and adored. You are worthy. Just Kim....